why do we not talk anymore?

why do i wait every night for you to talk to me? why am i the only one suffering this agonizing wait when all i am to you is just another insignificant contact on your msn list. unworthy of your notice, convenient enough to come and go at your disposal. why am i such a fool to let my heart skip everytime i receive your msg. i'm probably just a nobody to you. a rubbish chute where you dump all your unhappiness and my replies do not matter. because there's someone else more important to you? or am i simply being paranoid?

do you know that this drives me crazy? why did you mislead me in the first place? you're such a jerk.

why are you doing this to me?

我已经分不清。。。

你心里到底在想什么。有时我真希望我有透视力，能将你心中的想法一眼看清。我累了。不想再猜，不想再等，不想再恨。

我想我根本就在浪费时间。失去理智了。

if you're forgetting things so easily, obviously i mean nothing to you. so why should i bother anymore? i'll just say goodbye to you like i did last time. you're so cruel.

sorry

i'm feeling rather apologetic for the sullen face tonight. but somehow i just couldn't bring myself to smile. its a mix of anger, sadness and frustration. unexplainable. though i do bless you with my heart and soul, i was void of those happy emotions tonight. the alcohol probably made it worse.

frankly speaking, i wasn't very keen on this whole thing from the start of the day. maybe i was too tired. too much things on my mind. self-centered i guess. or mabbe too much sweetness and happiness in a row have desensitised me, making me indifferent. but what made me most angry about was his disparity in attitude towards them both. i was utterly disgusted. biasedness. i agree.

he saw her through with a straight face, as if the world was going to crash. but tonight he was full of smiles, a gleam so radiant his entire entity was sparkling. i've never seen him so happy in quite a long time. yes, very long in fact. i'm confounded.

the seal of a lifetime. what significance does it hold? to them. to the people around them. did i feel like a total stranger although i was seated at the vip seat because i'm not in the least bit spiritually attached to either of them? the rubik's cube was apparantly more enthralling than whatever was going on.

getting high on alcohol isn't such a bad thing afterall. at least my true feelings welled up in me. now i see how i really think. but i still need time to figure out why.